I have been having difficulty having grace. Grace for my fussy teething daughter who is very cranky most of the time while working on those pesky teeth. Grace for myself. Grace to not feel defeated everyday looking at my condo and seeing how much I need to do just to get organized. (We moved to a new place when Amelia was 5weeks old.) I had our old place organized to the max while I was nesting. Our new place...is well not organized at all and I am finding it hard to find motivation to organize in addition to caring for Amelia and keeping up with laundry, dishes, cooking and working part-time. I feel like I have this dual personality. At work (I am an RN for those who are reading and don't know me) I am very VERY type A. I have myself very organized and I have a routine on how to do things and hopefully get them done. I am fussy about details and policy. I am very anal and a little hyper about it. People at work can't believe I can actually allow myself downtime.
Welcome to the other side of my personality. At home I am what I call a frusterated perfectionist. If I can't do it perfectly or at least to my standard I don't usually do it at all. And with a 5 month old...doing things to my standard (and not just half way) isn't really an option. So I am faced with lowering my standards or not doing anything. I am also plagued with a lack of routine. As I find a routine Amelia and I can fall into...I have to go back to work...grandma, etc...takes care of Amelia and it's all out the window. I feel like somedays I am starting from scratch with her and I and this makes it very difficult to get things done around the house.
I am very overwhelmed. Guy helps as much as he can in addition to working and going to school. He has a very overloaded plate also.
I guess "trying" is the best I can do...but I don't like to just "try" to do something...I like to actually "do" something. And it's really REALLY hard with a babe who is crying ALL day LONG!!! Unless we are outside walking in the moby. (I can't do housework in the moby...too hard on my back.)
Guy and I talked about the stress I have been having about keeping up the home, Amelia and just myself. I asked him to pray with me about grace, focus, and reprioritization. I felt like this weight was lifted and I could actually breathe.